Have you ever had a fight where it felt like you and your partner were suddenly on two different planets? One person is shouting, the other is quiet, and nobody is listening. If you want to stop fighting with your partner, you first have to understand what is happening inside your brain.
At Symmetricly, we say your brains are “out of sync.” It’s like two dancers who have lost the beat of the music.
What Happens Inside Your Head When You Fight?
Inside your brain, there are two main parts that handle feelings:
- The Wise Leader: This part helps you stay calm, listen, and be kind. When this part is in charge, your heart and mind are “in sync.”
- The Alarm: This part is like a smoke detector. It only cares about keeping you safe.
When you get into a big argument, your Alarm goes off and kicks the Wise Leader out of the room!
- One person’s alarm might say: “Shout louder so they hear you!” (This is the Fight response).
- The other person’s alarm might say: “Run away or stop talking!” (This is the Flight response).
Now, your brains are messy and uneven. You aren’t arguing about the dishes anymore; you are just two “Alarms” ringing at each other. Read here on how emotional flooding can impact your relationship.
3 Ways to Tell You Are “Out of Sync”
- The Wall: You feel like you’re talking to a wall.
- The Fog: You can’t remember the good things about your partner.
- The Jitters: Your heart is beating fast, or you feel “buzzy” and mad.
How to Get Back in Sync (The Reset)
If you feel your “Alarm” going off, stop! You can’t fix a problem with a messy brain. Try these three simple steps to find your rhythm again:
1. The “Buddy Breath”
Stop talking. Sit across from each other. Take 10 deep breaths at the same time. This tells your brain’s “Alarm” to turn off so the “Wise Leader” can come back.
2. Say the “Magic Words”
Instead of saying “You are wrong,” try saying: “My brain feels a bit mixed up right now. Can we take a 10-minute break and try again?”
3. Join the Same Team
When you are calm, remember: It’s not You vs. Your Partner. It’s Both of You vs. The Problem.
Finding Your Balance
At Symmetricly, we believe that fighting doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It just means you lost your balance for a moment. We help you find that balance again so your minds and hearts can stay on the same team.
Do you feel out of sync? We help couples in Atlanta find their rhythm again. Click here to talk to us!
